I was so taken with these three words that I decided to write about them this week.

Before I made the decision to become a Divorce and Life Transformation Coach, I had a long and fabulous career in non-profit management.  I specialized in development, fundraising and special event planning.  

During my professional career in non profits, I grew to understand the role of philanthropy in a person’s life on all levels:

·    Emotionally
·    Financially
·    Psychologically
·    Socially

Believe it or not, as much as each and every non profit needs our dollars, it is us as contributing  members of society that need them to remind us that we are part of a bigger community.

Whatever the contribution, the gesture of philanthropy provides a meaning to life that can’t be found any other way.

It makes us feel that we are:

·    doing what we were meant to do as human beings
·    part of something bigger
·    connecting with the piece of us that needs and wants to make a difference
·    coming from a place of selflessness rather than ego
·    fortunate for that which we have
·    grateful

These feelings make a tremendous difference in how we live our lives and how we feel while we are living it.  

There are three ways to give, as has been mentioned a few times:

Time
Talent
Treasure

·    Time

We all lead busy lives, especially as single parents and full time professionals.  However, I have never met someone that wouldn’t or couldn’t make time if there was something that they really, really wanted to do.  We are usually just focused on our own egos…rather than on giving.  

For whatever you are passionate about, there is a non-profit to support that mission.  I know of thousands of non profits that target the most narrow of causes.  If you can imagine it…it already exists.  Set aside time to volunteer at the organization of your choice.  If even for just two hours a week.  It makes a tremendous difference!

·    Talent

Another way that you can support an agency or give is through your “talent”.  No, I don’t mean your singing or dancing, rather it is any strength or skill that you can offer.

Talents such as:

1.    fundraising
2.    office work
3.    cold calling
4.    creativity
5.    web design
6.    marketing
7.    financial management
8.    leadership
9.    public speaking

The list goes on and on.  Whatever you have to give in the way of your skills and talent will be appreciated more than you know.

·    Treasure

Treasure speaks for itself.  If you have the means, giving to something you believe in, that reflects you and your values, will open you up to endless opportunity and possibility.

The joy you will receive coupled with the gratification of making a difference, will change you over time.

I learned a valuable lesson long ago from an old colleague who I “thought” did not have money to give.  She had three kids, was on a fixed income and relied heavily on scholarship money to help provide her kids with the education, activities and “stuff” that they needed.

One day I saw her writing out a check to a charity that she believed in to help people who could not help themselves.  I asked her why she was doing that because she worked so hard and could not even cover her own costs.

She told me that it was her obligation, no matter how small, to share her good fortune.   That no matter what, she had a roof over her head, her children and husband were healthy, and she could part with a small bit of her money.

I was so blown away by her generosity and her selflessness, that I began to see why her life, her family and her children lived with integrity and why they were always happy.

Since then, no matter how dire my financial situation has been at times, I always find just a little something to offer others who need it more than I do.

To give, in any way, will come back to you in greater ways than you could ever imagine.

By the people you meet, the lives you change and the way in which your life is impacted.  See for yourself!

I hope that you will give thought to these three words and find a way to incorporate them into your life in a way that is in alignment with who you are and how you want to lead your life!

I am here to support you and to help you move forward.  And you are here for each other.  Together we can create the life you WANT and DESERVE!

I specialize in extraordinary communication; listening skills and my cognitive process of understanding are seen as my supreme gift.

Simple, simpler, simplest is my mantra.

I will never leave any woman asking “What am I supposed to do next?”

I believe in a woman’s higher purpose, no obstacle will stop you from getting to your goals.

·    lifelong learning

Adult education is THE best tool that I have found to get control of emotions.  The first sign of fear and anxiety is when you are avoiding something in your life.  Could be ending a relationship, dealing with debt, creating boundaries with your children…if you are avoiding it, you are probably afraid of it.

The ONLY way to deal with this kind of fear is to LEARN how to face it.  Educate yourself on the steps to take so that you can eliminate the fear and source of anxiety.

Take a class, work with a coach, go to a workshop…there are many options, both live and online, to learn.  It is well worth the money to eliminate fear and anxiety from you life!

·    calm

Calming down is harder than it sounds.  Fear and anxiety can show up in our lives emotionally, physically and psychologically.  They can paralyze us and render us unable to move forward.  

There is NEVER a reason for this to happen.  Learning basic meditation and deep breathing techniques is just one way to slow yourself down.

Another is to find quiet.  Take a short walk, take 15 minutes to lie down alone in your room, read for ½ hour, or drink a cup of herbal tea while sitting near a candle.  Find the things that help you to quiet your mind and your body.  

You will immediately feel your heart rate slow down and your mind begin to calm.  Then you can pick up where you were at.

·    write

I know…I am not a writer either.  Imagine my surprise at how effortlessly I began to write when my head began to spin with anxiety, overwhelm and confusion.  As the words spilled out of me onto the pages, I could actually feel my body relax.  

Get a journal or blank notebook and just start writing whenever you feel yourself beginning to get overwhelmed with anxiety and fear.  Write without censoring yourself.  How you feel, what are you afraid or worried about, what do you WISH and WANT to do about it.  Why aren’t you?  

These are the things that you should be contemplating and writing about in your journal.  Do not underestimate the power of writing.  And, you don’t have to show it to anyone!

I challenge you.  I challenge you to STOP making excuses of why you CAN’T:

·    take a class
·    take a little time to breath, rest, slow down
·    write in a journal to learn more about what is going on for you

ARE YOU READY?

If you email me your commitment to taking control of your emotions and the steps you are prepared to make,  I will give you two, complimentary one hour sessions on taking your life to a new level! 

I opened my letter today with “when will you know its time to get help”?

My immediate reaction to that is…when you tell yourself that you don’t need any help. This is usually a good indication that you are trying to go at it alone and that your inner wisdom is trying to tell you that it is time to get support.

Having been there, and still needing support, I can assure you that it is NOT a sign of weakness or dysfunction to ask for help.

Rather, it is a sign that you are:

· ready to move forward
· willing to make the commitment to yourself
· open to creating a new life
· smart enough to do anything to get what you want!!!

Sometimes, we get so confused and overwhelmed that we mistakenly believe that because we are not clear about what to do, we should wait until we are more “pulled together” before we get help. WRONG!

Below are the signs to look out for that signal that it is time to get help and support:

1. You are overwhelmed!

Overwhelm and confusion are the first indications that you need help! While most people think that they need to “pull themselves together” and stabilize themselves before getting help…the opposite is actually true. The more overwhelmed and confused you are…the more likely it is that you are ready to make a huge change in your life.

2. Your friends have “had enough”!

We all know what it is like to try and “be there” for a friend when they are going through a hard time. The problem with divorce is that it is hard before you make the decision, while you are going through it, coming out after it and moving forward over time. This can take YEARS and I can promise you that your friends love you too much to tell you that they are tired of hearing about it.

3. You don’t know how you got here?

Do you ever wonder how you got here? How you got to the place where your marriage is over, your life is turned upside down and you don’t know how you are going to survive and ever be happy again? If so, you NEED SUPPORT! There are always reasons why you are where you are…it is understanding how you got here and how it will help you in moving forward that is most important.

4. You are exhausted!

I remember thinking, “I am so damn tired that I don’t how I will ever feel rested again”! I was tired of my kids, my job, putting on a happy face, going to the grocery store…I didn’t even want to have fun. As a matter of fact…I just wanted to run away to a place where I could stay in bed for a week and not “take care” of anyone! This kind of exhaustion is unhealthy and will lead you down a path of poor decision making and grave unhappiness. There is NO reason why you should be this exhausted!

5. You can’t remember the last time you had fun?!

Fun? What’s that? If you can’t remember the last time you had fun….or can’t even identify what fun is for you…then you are in desperate need of an intervention! Life is short and divorce is a transition…not an end! If you are going to move through your divorce process and attend to all the things that will need your attention, you will have to re-fuel yourself with a little fun EVERY week. This is a strong sign that change is necessary in your life!

6. You spend more time focused on your divorce rather than living your life.

If all of your conversations are about your divorce, issues relating to your soon-to-be-ex, and what went wrong in the marriage….your life is out of balance. Your divorce is something that you are going to have to live with….like getting a puppy. It is hard work, needs your attention, but should not DEFINE your life. It will be something that will be with you for a long time and therefore creating a way to live with it as a ongoing part of your life is extremely important.

If you have never had the wonderful opportunity to try working with a life or divorce coach, make this your time to open yourself up to something that will change your life!

Book a complimentary session with a coach of your choice and see what will happen! I guarantee that you will see your overwhelm slowly go away!

You are not alone!
Asking for support is a sign of strength!
I am here for you!