By Leo Babauta

Sure, we all know how to do nothing. We all know how to lay around and waste time. But many of us are too busy to do it much, and when we do it, our minds are often on other things. We cannot relax and enjoy the nothingness.

Doing nothing can be a waste of time, or it can be an art form. Here’s how to become a master, and in the process, improve your life, melt away the stress and make yourself more productive when you actually do work.

Start small

Doing nothing, in the true sense of the word, can be overwhelming. if you attempt to do too much nothing at once. Do small nothings at first. Focus on 5 to 10 minutes at a time, and start your practice sessions in a safe place–at home, not at work or in a busy public place. You may also not be ready to do nothing in the middle of nature, so do it in your bedroom or living room. Find a time and place where there are not many distractions, not much noise, not a lot of people to bother you.

Shut off all distractions–TV, computer, cell phones, land lines, Blackberries, etc. Doing nothing is hard when our communications gadgets are calling at us to do something.

Now, close your eyes, and do nothing. Yes, the smart-asses out there will say you’re doing something–you’re sitting there or laying there, closing your eyes. But we mean doing nothing in the sense that if someone were to call us up and ask what we’re doing, we say “Oh, nothing.” Don’t let them call you up, though. They are trying to distract you.

After 5 to 10 minutes of doing, nothing, you can quit, and go back to doing something. But try to do this every day, because it is not possible to become a master without practice.

Breathing

The first place to start in the quest for mastery over this art is with your breathing. If this sounds suspiciously like meditation, well, cast those suspicions out of your mind. We are not here to do suspicion–we are doing nothing.

Start first by breathing slowly in, and then slowly out. Now closely monitor your breath as it enters your body, through your nose, and goes down into your lungs, and fills your lungs. Now feel it as it goes out of your body, through your mouth, and feel the satisfying emptying of your lungs.
Try to do this for 5 to 10 minutes. Practice this as you can. When you start thinking about other things, such as how great ThirdAge is, well, stop. Bring your thoughts back to your breathing every time.

Relaxing

An important part of doing nothing is being able to completely relax. If we are tense, then the doing of the nothing is really for naught. Relaxing starts by finding a comfortable place to do your nothing–a soft chair, a plush couch, a well-made, clean bed. Once you’ve found your spot, lie in it, and wiggle around to make it fit your body better. Think of how a cat lies down, and makes itself comfortable. Cats are very, very good at doing nothing. You may never approach their level of mastery, but they make for great inspiration.

Next, try the breathing technique. If you are not completely relaxed by now (and a short nap would be a great indication of relaxation), then try self massage. Yes, massage is much better when administered by other hands, but self-massage is great too. Start with your shoulders and neck. Work your way up to your head and even your face. Also do your back, and legs and arms.

Yet another great way of relaxing is an exercise where you tense each muscle in your body, one body part at a time, and then let the tensed muscle relax. Start with your feet, then your legs, and work your way up to your eyebrows. If you can do the top of your head, you may be too advanced for this article.

Once you are relaxed, see if you can relax even more.

Bathing – an advanced stage

Those who are in the beginning stages of the Art of Doing Nothing should not attempt this stage. But once you’ve become proficient at the above steps, the stage of the Bath can be pretty great.

The bath must be nice and hot. Not lukewarm, but hot. Bubbles are also required, even if you are a too manly for this. Other bath accessories, such as a loofah sponge, or bath gels, or potpourri, are optional.

Again, you must have all distractions shut off. Bathing is also best done if you are alone in the house, but if not, everyone else in the house must know that you CANNOT be disturbed, even if the house is burning down. If they break this sacred rule, you must turn upon them with the Wrath of Hell.

Step into your bath, one foot at a time, very slowly. If your bath is properly hot, it is best if you get into it an inch at a time. For more sensitive body parts, such as the crotchal area, it is best to squeeze your eyes shut tight and slowly lower yourself into the steaming water despite all instincts to flee. Once you are fully immersed (and you should go completely under, head included, at first), close your eyes, and feel the heat penetrating your body.

You may begin to sweat. This is a good thing. Allow the sweat to flow. You may need a glass of water as the sweat could dehydrate you. A good book is another great way to enjoy your bath. Allow your muscles to be penetrated by the heat, to be relaxed completely, and feel all your worries and stresses and aches and inner turmoil flow out of your body into the water.

A hot bath is even more awesome if followed by a bracing cold shower. Either way, get out of the bath once the water is no longer warm and your skin is very raisin-like.

Tasting and feeling

Doing nothing is also great when accompanied by very good beverages or food. Good tea or coffee, wine, hot cocoa, and other sensual beverages go very well with the Art. It’s best to take these beverages by themselves, with no food, and without a book or other distractions. Focus on the liquid as you sip it slowly, savoring every bit of the flavor and texture and temperature in your mouth before swallowing, and feeling the swallow completely. Close your eyes as you do this. Truly enjoy this drink.
Foods are also great: berries, rich desserts, freshly made bread, the best soup ever, or whatever it is that you love. Be sure you eat it slowly, savoring every bite. Chew slowly, and close your eyes as you enjoy the food. Feel the texture in your mouth. It is bliss!

Doing nothing in nature

Once you’ve passed the above stages, it is time to practice this gentle art out in nature. Find a peaceful place – in your front yard if that’s peaceful, a park, the woods, at the beach, a river, a lake – places with water are excellent. Places out of reach of the sounds of traffic and city life are best.
Out here in nature, you can practice the art for 20 minutes, an hour, or even longer. There are fewer distractions, and you can really shut yourself off from the stresses of life. Don’t just let your mind wander everywhere – focus on the natural surroundings around you. Look closely at the plants, at the water, at the wildlife. Truly appreciate the majesty of nature, the miracle of life.

Incorporating the Art in daily life

This is the final stage of mastering this Art. Don’t attempt it until you’ve practiced and become competent at the above stages.

Start by doing nothing while you are waiting in line, at the doctor’s office, on a bus, or for a plane. Wait, without reading a newspaper or magazine, without talking on the phone, without checking your email, without writing out your to-do list, without doing any work, without worrying about what you need to do later. Wait, and do nothing. Concentrate on your breathing, or try one of the relaxation techniques above. Concentrate on those around you – watch them, try to understand them, listen to their conversations.
Next, try doing nothing when you drive. Yes, you must drive, but try to do nothing else. Don’t listen to music or news or an audiotape. Don’t multi-task. Don’t talk on your cell phone, don’t eat, and don’t do your makeup. Just drive. Concentrate on your driving, look at the things you are passing, and feel your breathing. Relax yourself, and don’t worry about the other drivers (but don’t crash into them!). Drive slowly, going easy on the gas and brake pedals. This technique has a great side-effect: better gas mileage.

Last, try doing nothing in the middle of chaos, in your workplace or other stressful environment. Just shut everything out, close your eyes, and think about your breathing. Try a relaxation technique. Do this for 5-10 minutes at a time, building up to 20-30 minutes. If you can do this, in the middle of a stressful day at work or with the kids, you will allow yourself to focus more fully on the task at hand. You will be relaxed and ready to concentrate, to bring yourself into a state of flow. (Warning: Doing nothing could get you in trouble with your boss, so be careful! But if it makes you more productive, you boss might not mind.)

Finally, the Art of Doing Nothing cannot be mastered overnight. It will take hours and hours of practice, of hard work (doing nothing isn’t easy!). But you will enjoy every minute of it! Try it today.

Leo Babauta is the author of the newly-released book, The Power of Less: The Fine Art of Limiting Yourself to the Essentials … in Work and in Life. He is also the creator of the blog, Zen Habits.

So, it’s SUMMERTIME! A time for fun and exploration…renewal and recharging!

Have you made your plan?

Divorce most often results in:

• exhaustion
• overwhelm
• confusion
• depression
• stress
• recurrence of old and sometimes negative patterns

IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY!

You may not be able to prevent having these feelings, but there are many ways that you can respond to them:

1. you can simply surrender to them and wallow in the sadness and depression

2. you can make the decision to control your journey and the process of divorce

3. you can surround yourself with knowledge and support

4. you can create a plan to regroup, renew and recharge yourself!

How do you do this?
Here are my tips for your summer planning!

• health and wellness – without good health and being fit, you willnit have the energy that you need to manage all of the areas of your life that need your attention. Make a commitment to take care of your one and only body this summer. Add ½ of some form of exercise each day. Whether its working in your garden, playing with your kids, walking your dog…spend ½ hour each and every day moving. You will be thrilled that you did!

• Beauty – nothing says spring like a new lipstick! The weather is warmer, the stress of school schedules is gone and the opportunities to relax and enjoy the break from routine is before you! Give yourself a new spring look! Get a new haircut, go have someone show you the new spring colors in makeup, get a manicure and put a fun spring color on! You will feel like a new woman!

• Eating – aaaaah…eating! The harder one for many of us! Take the summer as a time to put only wonderful and healthy things into your body! The farmers markets are out and are not only filled with beautiful and healthy food and produce, but are a wonderful social opportunity as well! Support local markets and farms by purchasing from them. You will be doing something good for your community, your health and the earth! Purchase a new cookbook and try some new recipes…perhaps you can encourage your children to join you on this new eating routine by allowing them to meal plan with you. Lots of wonderful ways to give your body the fuel it needs to keep you going!

• Sleeping – when you are dealing with a stressful time, your body needs more sleep than usual to regroup. Instead of watching tv each night before you go to bed, and probably watching later that you would like (as I frequently do!), turn OFF the tv and pick up a book….or, a magazine! Light a candle and put on some soothing music and play a game with your kids? Make sure that you get at least 7-8 hours of sleep a night…enough that your body is rested and rejuvenated at the beginning of each day! Your body will thank you for it!

• summer goals and projects – take time now to plan for the summer. Create a list of those projects or tasks that you would like to accomplish this summer and make a plan for how you will accomplish each one. The timing of the process or negotiation of divorce can often times be outside of your control, but what happens in your life is very much within your control. Keep your momentum going by planning a summer that allows you to move forward in creating your new life. Unsure of how to do this, get the support of a therapist or coach to give you the support you need and keep you accountable for doing what you say!

• Children – summer is a wonderful time to reconnect with your children in a new way. Without the school schedule and activity demands of the school year, you will have the opportunity to play more with them and share the experience of what summer has to offer! Take time each week to do something with your kids…take a walk or a bike ride with them, have a picnic at the beach or a park. Better yet, have them invite a friend or friends over and have a casual BBQ with them. Summer is for “fun” and you can help create that for them!

• social and recreational – summer is for fun! Open yourself up to new opportunities, new experiences and welcoming new people into your life. Join a club, volunteer or grab a book and go sit at an outdoor restaurant and read. You never know who you might meet? Invite friends over for a potluck dinner party and have them each bring a guest. Break your pattern and old routine…bring in a new spring strategy of recreation!I hope that this helps you to begin to create the summer plan for this year!

Breaking old patters and creating new ones is sometimes daunting when you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed…you don’t need to do it alone!

Divorce is a TEAM sport! You need to surround yourself with those individuals who will support you in all of the areas of your life.

LIVE well
LAUGH often
LOVE much
and DANCE

On the call with Jessica, she shared one of the things that she did to begin the process of Getting Out into the world again during and after her divorce.

She made a commitment to herself that anything she put into her calendar, she would honor. So, if she put a networking event into a Thursday evening, no matter what she felt like when the time came…tired, sad, generally not in the mood…she would honor the commitment.

I was so taken by this because I do just the same thing!

She told us that she would act AS IF she were in the mood and completely happy and ready to be there. And before she knew it…she was having a wonderful time and a new experience!

I absolutely loved that!

I have studied the concept of “as if” for a while now…knowing that if you act “AS IF”, then you, your mind, body and soul…will soon follow!

So, for the past few days, I have been thinking about this and how I might be able to apply it more frequently and effectively to my life.

Here are the “as if’s” that I would like to play out more in my own life:

• As If…I have everything I could ever want in my life!

• As If…I am the most beautiful woman in the world!

• As If…I will make a difference in the life of everyone that crosses my path.

• As If…every day with my children is the best day of our lives.

This simple form of “pretending” can sometimes be the very thing that helps us to move forward and not get pulled into the negative spiral that will eventually paralyze us.

So…what are the “As If’s” you are going to focus on?

Give it a try…its truly miraculous!

LIVE well
LAUGH often
LOVE much
and DANCE

This is dedicated to all of the mother’s out there and to remembering to make yourselves as HAPPY and FULFILLED as you strive to make your children!

Maybe . . . We were supposed to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that, when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Maybe . . . When the door of happiness closes, another opens; but,
often times, we look so long at the closed door that we don’t even
see the new one which has been opened for us.

Maybe . . . It is true that we don’t know what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we don’t know what we have been missing until it arrives.

Maybe . . . The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Maybe .. . The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; after all, you can’t go on successfully in life until you let go of your past mistakes, failures and heartaches.

Maybe . . . You should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of, and want to do.

Maybe . . . There are moments in life when you miss someone — a
parent, a spouse, a love, a friend, a child — so much that you just
want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real, so that
once they are around you appreciate them more.

Maybe . . . The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a
porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.

Maybe … You should always try to put yourself in others’ shoes. If you feel that something could hurt you, it probably will hurt the other person, too.

Maybe … you should do something nice for someone every single
day, even if it is simply to leave them alone.

Maybe . . . giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don’t expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but, if it doesn’t, be content that it grew in yours.

Maybe . . . Happiness waits for all those who cry, all those who hurt, all those who have searched, and all those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of all the people who have touched their lives.

Maybe . . . You shouldn’t go for looks; they can deceive; don’t go
for wealth; even that fades away! Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile

Maybe . . . You should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy.

Maybe . . . You should try to live your life to the fullest because
when you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was
smiling but when you die, you can be the one who is smiling and
everyone around you crying.

Maybe. . . You could share this message to those people who mean something to you, to those who have touched your life, to those who can and do make you smile when you really need it, to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down, and to all those whom you want to know that you appreciate them and their Friendship.

LIVE well
LAUGH often
LOVE much
and DANCE