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Child-Centered Divorce Month (CCDM)!

  • Posted on June 25, 2009 at 9:49 am

Please join me in honoring and celebrating CCDM this July! Below is information about this wonderful National month of recognition and some of the fabulous resources that are being offered! My good friend and colleague, Rosalind Sedacca has been the powerful voice behind this movement and I want to acknowledge her for helping us all to remember just how important a Peaceful Divorce is!

The third annual National Child-Centered Divorce Month, taking place throughout July, will be launched with a series of complimentary teleseminars and bonus gifts for parents.

Divorce book author, Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, a certified corporate trainer recognized as The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce, initiated National Child-Centered Divorce Month. “These weeks are dedicated to helping parents make the best possible decisions regarding their children during and after a divorce.”

To help spread the word throughout North America a series of free teleseminars are being offered for parents, educators and others who care about these issues. “Leading professionals within the “peaceful divorce” community will be presenting vital information parents can immediately put to use as they transition through and beyond divorce,” says Sedacca, who is the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network.

Rosalind Sedacca

The schedule of teleseminar topics and dates will be announced shortly.

On July 1st, the website, www.childsharing.com will be providing a link to free ebooks, coaching sessions and other complimentary gifts for divorcing and divorced parents throughout July.

Professionals who share Sedacca’s concerns, including therapists, attorneys, mediators, financial planners, coaches, educators, clergy and others, will be providing articles, interviews, seminars, coaching sessions and other events geared toward helping parents create a peaceful and successful Child-Centered Divorce in the months and years following divorce. Their message: Regardless of your own emotional state, think first about your children’s emotional and psychological needs when making decisions related to divorce or separation.

“While our divorce legal system needs considerable reform, it is also essential for us to bring a heightened awareness to parents about their responsibility to their children’s well-being before, during and after divorce,” says Sedacca, who is the author of the professionally acclaimed ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love!

“Parenting is a life-long process, even when you get a divorce,” she adds. “We need to provide better resources and teach better coping skills to parents so they can understand the short- and long-term effects of divorce upon their children.”

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Father's Day Advice!

  • Posted on June 18, 2009 at 11:34 pm

So, this weekend is Father’s Day!

If you are separated or divorced, this is a day that can be filled with anxiety, frustration, anger and all kinds of emotions.

What I want to stress to you today is that no matter what kind of man/”ex” your children’s father is…he is still their father and they need him desperately!

· Regardless of what your children say
· Regardless of what he does
· Whether or not he pays, honors his obligations or is a kind/decent person

Your children need him!

I know how hard this is to absorb and to respect sometimes, but how you address him and this day, will be something your children will remember… forever!

fathers day

Having your children disappointed in their father, guilty for loving him or afraid to tell you how they really feel for him will only close the door of trust and communication between you and them.

They need to be allowed to:

· love him
· spend time with him
· define their own relationship with him
· share their feelings and emotions about him with you in a safe and trusting way
· learn how to communicate with him

There is nothing that can come between your relationship with them except for your own insecurities and emotions about your “ex”.

So, here are my tips for you on this Father’s Day:

1. It’s not about you!

I don’t mean to sound offensive, but Father’s Day is not about how YOU feel about your Ex. It’s about your children. If your children have a good relationship with their father, then regardless of whose “day” it is, they should have the opportunity to spend time with him on this day. If they have a distant or unhealthy relationship with their father, then this is a day that will be filled with all kinds of emotions for them. They will need your strength, compassion and understanding.

2. Create a safe and trusting environment for communication.

Set a new pattern this year by opening the door to non-judgmental conversation about how they would like to celebrate father’s day. Would they like to see their father? What would they like to do on father’s day with their dad?

If they have a poor relationship with him, what would make them feel better? Perhaps a call or a card? The most important thing will be for you to LISTEN and NOT offer any feedback or opinion. Just an acknowledgement of what they feel and what they want.

3. Focus on the good.

This would be a great time for you to try and focus on the “good” parts of their father. Is he gentle? Is he creative? Is he generous with them? If you can find and acknowledge the good in your “ex”, you may be surprised that he might be able to rise to the occasion. Perhaps sharing with him that ” your children miss him and want very much to spend a bit of time with him…how could you support that?” The outcome may surprise you!

4. Celebrate your own father…their Grandfather.

Part of Father’s Day is also celebrating your own father…your children’s grandfather! Make sure that when you are scheduling the day and making time for your children to be with their father, that you also schedule in time to be with your father. If my children are going to spend the day with their dad…I always make arrangements with him to bring the kids to have breakfast/brunch with my father before I drop them off with him. We do the same on Mother’s Day….my children spend time with their dad and his family before or after they spend time with me.

5. Reward your maturity!

Congratulations! You have put your children’s emotions ahead of your own and taken a HUGE step in building trust and closeness between you and them! While they are out with their father, do something wonderful for yourself to acknowledge what you have done to support and encourage the very special bond between father and child.

No matter what the relationship between you and your “Ex”, your children need to know that you respect and honor their relationship with him and that you are not threatened by their love for him! It is something they will take with them for the rest of their lives!

Lastly, as a parent, it is your job to raise children that are unselfish and attentive to the feelings of others. Encourage them to call their father, buy a gift or card for him and acknowledge that it is a day to celebrate him. Just as they want to be celebrated on their birthdays and special milestones, they need to also put others first at different times during the year!

By the way…my kids won’t see my father this year on Father’s Day…but not because I don’t work this through with my ex-husband, but because my parents are out of town!

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When Will It End?!

  • Posted on June 5, 2009 at 5:24 am

When will it end?

Have you ever found yourself asking this question??

Perhaps you ask it about a particular day.
About a particular meeting.
About a situation.
About a moment in time.

The real question is….What is IT?

never ending

When we are going through a divorce, we seem to ask ourselves this question over and over again….thinking that the “IT” is the divorce.

However, once the divorce is over, this little question does not stop nudging us. Have you ever felt this way?

My own experience had me asking this question about everything and yet, I could not figure out what the “IT” was.

First it was the tension in my marriage.
Then it was the divorce.
Then it was the financial worries.
Then it was about being single.
Then it was about co-parenting.

Eventually, my own journey led me to my answer. Two little words that now form the foundation for my attitude about my life and my journey.

Are you ready? Here they are:

IT DOESN’T!

“IT” doesn’t end. “IT” is your life.

Each moment, day, week, month, experience forms the beautiful fabric that is your life.

This life has ups;
Downs;
Highs;
Lows;
Celebrations;
Loss;
Worry;
Sadness;
Joy….

Every conceivable emotion.

“IT” is never going to end, but it’s what you do with “IT” that creates your own journey.

Learning to LIVE FULLY while you experience all that comes your way is what empowers us.

CHOICE is our greatest gift. The choice to decide what comes next. The ability to choose and make a decision when necessary.

For those of you who are asking yourself, When will it end? Make today the last day that you will ask this question. Rather, hop into the driver’s seat! YOU get to choose when “IT” ends.

You may not be able to make your divorce final…but you can decide how each day looks for you. YOU have control over your emotions, your choices, the way you spend your time, your finances, your attitude, your relationships with friends, children and family….it is all within your control!

And if you are struggling to get out of the rut that you are in, that is where I come in!

Don’t do it alone!
Don’t wait one more minute!
Give yourself the gift of MAKING IT END!

Having been there and experienced all that you are…I can say with confidence that you have all of the power to live each day with joy and fulfillment…whatever your divorce situation! I promise!

Here’s to the neverending!

LIVE well
LAUGH often
LOVE much
and DANCE

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