So where is someone to help us to get ready for “back to school”?

I often tell my mother that just because I got married, had children and got divorced…who said that I didn’t need a mother to get me ready for “back to school” time?!

I will be putting these all on my site at the following link, but please be patient with me as I add more and more details as I get them ready to launch!

http://www.lauracampbellcompanies.com/events-workshops

Here is just a brief outline of what I have planned for you so that no matter what your time, energy and financial resources are….there is something for you to support yourself as YOU prepare to make this fall the BEST EVER!

Teleclasses:

Divorce Mastery: Your New Three R’s – Regroup, Renew and Reinvent
4 week teleclass on Mondays beginning on September 14

Forget reading, ‘riting and ‘rithmetic! Your new three Rs are regroup, renew and reinvent. It’s time to be schooled in what these words mean to you as a woman and how they can power you through life’s transitions.

• Are you tired of being overwhelmed and stressed everyday?
• Do you feel that your divorce is controlling your life?
• Are you ready to gain control and create the life that you imagine and deserve?
• Do you want to know what to do next?

If your answer to any of these questions is YES, then this is the programs for you!

Where Divorce Ends, Your Destiny Begins Telesummit
Monday and Wednesday Evenings, 9:00 – 10:00 pm EST
Begins on October 12, 2009

• 4 Weeks
• 8 Amazing Guest Experts
• MP3’s
• Special Offers and Gifts

This telesummit is designed to introduce you to experts in the field of MOVING FORWARD through and after divorce! Join me and this talented group of women for a fantastic month of creating YOUR extraordinary life! Topics will include financial, legal, relationship, passion, and finding balance!!!

Live Workshops and Programs:

Power, Passion and Play: Reclaiming it all!
September 17, 2009 6:30 – 8:30 pm
BedroomMatters, Westport, Connecticut

• Would you like more Joy and Fulfillment in your life?
• Would you like to feel happier, more at ease, and excited about waking up every morning?
• Would you like to live a life On Fire?

Join Life Reinvention Coaches, Laura Campbell, www.discoverthedspot.com, Janice Christopher and Alex Keleman, www.lifecoach22.com , and take The Passion Test!

The Passion Test is a simple, yet powerful tool to get clear on the five things that matter most to you and then a process to make those five things a priority in your life. Come and experience it for yourself! At the end of the workshop you’ll be clear on your top 5 Passions and you will be able to envision the new possibilities for your life!

The Passion Circle
Tuesday evenings, 6:30 – 8:00, every other week
Two locations:
New Haven, Connecticut
Guilford, Connecticut

The Passion Circle is a six session program designed to put Power, Passion and Play into ACTION!

In this program you will learn:

Power: What do we mean when we talk about POWER and how you can RECLAIM your power as a woman!

Passion: Who are you, what are your passions and how can tell if you are living your life according to them!

Play: How do you put your Passions into ACTION! How can you create your new life ON FIRE and design your personal destiny!

Special Appearances:

Connecticut Women’s Expo
September 12-13, 2009 at the CT Expo Center!
Checkout the Expo and register at http://www.ctexpos.com/cwe/

Greater Atlanta Women’s Expo and Empowerment Conference
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Checkout the Expo and register at http://www.gawomensexpo.com/

My mission and life purpose is to support you as you move through and forward after your divorce!

I hope that there is something in this “toolbox” of resources that resonates with you and that you are able to participate in…it is certainly always my pleasure to serve you!

So it seems that as we move closer to the first day of school, our focus shifts to our children and how we can successfully prepare them for peak performance this year.

Not only have a heard from many of you personally about how you can help your children through the transition of divorce, but it has been a common theme in all of my client work, groups and workshops.

Therefore, I have decided to share a few thoughts as you prepare your kids for their new school year!

The following “thoughts” are meant for you to contemplate and explore. There is no right or wrong in divorce, only daily improvement and commitment to moving forward!

Remember, every day is an opportunity to begin anew. To make change and commit to a new way of approaching your life…and your role as a mother!

First, the best way to support your children is to support yourself!

It is clear that as mothers, we fear that our divorce may “scar” are children or somehow “ruin” their lives. Mostly, because this is how WE feel.

Children are like animals. Not in a bad way, but rather, they are acutely aware of what is going on around them. They will absorb all that you are feeling and experiencing…even if you try to cover it up with a smile and “forced happiness”.

The best thing you can do to help your children with their transition is to help yourself.

If you are sad, they are sadder.
If you are angry, they are angrier.
If you make excuses and blame, so will they.

They need YOU to be happy, whole and fulfilled. They look to us as their mothers to show them that we can move through difficult situations and still be okay. Take the opportunity NOW to get yourself support and to heal yourself so that you can begin your journey of creating your ideal life and guide them to creating their own.

Second, your focus should only be on that which you can control.

I have learned, through my own journey of self discovery and personal development, to focus only on what I CAN control.

If you can’t control something, then there is no reason to devote one moment of emotion, focus or energy on it.

This has never been more true than in the case of divorce. What your ex does or doesn’t do is not only outside of your control, but it’s no longer your business unless it violates financial obligations and threatens the health and safety of your children. Even if it upsets you or your children.

What you CAN control is your own emotion, words and behavior and creating a life for yourself and your children that is full of joy, fulfillment and abundance. Therefore, you must focus on your life, your home, your environment and your responsibilities.

What you say, what you do and how you act is YOUR CHOICE. You can’t blame anyone…not even your Ex, for your choices. Your children will need to see you assume responsibility for what happens in your life going forward. This teaches them to be accountable for what happens in their own lives.

Third, you ARE a whole family.

Just because you are divorced, does not mean that your family is “broken” or that you are no longer a family. When you make this your “vision” of what you are, it is exactly what your children will feel…broken, destroyed. Is this what you want?

Your family is simply DIFFERENT than it was before the divorce.

Take some time to vision about what you want your relationship to look like with your children.

• What do you want your relationship with them to look like?
• how do you want that time with them to feel?
• what do you want to experience when you are with them?

It is up to YOU to create the experiences that you have with your children. You can create the family that you imagine. Blaming your EX is an excuse not to create the relationship that YOU want with your children.

Create the environment that you want them to have.
Create situations that enable them to feel good, empowered, successful!
You don’t need permission to be the kind of parent that you want them to have!

Fourth, YOU are the parent, adult and role model.

It is now up to YOU and YOU alone to model for your children what you want to teach them.

It doesn’t matter what your ex husband does.
It doesn’t matter what your ex husband doesn’t do.

Your only responsibility now is to be the kind of model for your children that you want to be.

They are looking. Always watching and absorbing what they see. They look to us for how to act. How to react. How to think and how to solve problems.

If you want to support your children, be clear on what your values are and what you stand for.

Be strong in your commitment to those values and how an adult should behave.

We are the ones that will be teaching our children to be strong, confident and fulfilled young men and women. And we do it by our everyday actions and behaviors. What we say, do and act…that is what we teach!

Lastly, the power of language.

There is no greater power than the power of language. We have opportunities everyday to connect with our children around the way we communicate.

If your ex is behaving in a way that causes your child(ren) sadness and disappointment, it is not your problem to solve.

However, it is an opportunity to create a safe and comfortable environment for them to articulate and share with you what they are feeling. They can only do that if you listen without judgement or criticism. They are NOT looking for you to share how much you hate and despise their father, they are looking for a way to communicate their sadness. LISTEN.

Communicate with them through compassion and honesty. They are unhappy, they did not choose the divorce.

But they love you and they love their father…no matter what either of you do.

They are children and your divorce has nothing to do with them.

The greatest gift you can give your children is the language to communicate how they feel and the confidence to share how they feel.

It’s all within you when you step into your Power as a Woman and Mother.

I hope that these “thoughts” have given you something to think about and reflect upon.

The role of a Mother is a powerful one and one that you need no training in! You have it all within you!

If I had a dollar for every time someone going through a divorce asks me this question!

To me this is the saddest question I could possibly hear! And, the most destructive to the person asking it!

Let me answer this question for all of you who have EVER asked it of yourself or anyone else:

NOTHING!

Nothing is wrong with you at all.
You are beautiful and perfect just as you are.

You are going through a transition and are ready to design the next chapter of your life.

When we experience a time of loss, overwhelm and extreme emotion, our tendency is to:

• become defensive
• blame someone or something for what has happened
• make excuses for why we are where we are
• demand revenge
• indulge in anger
• act out in ways that don’t serve us

NONE of these will allow you to move forward, but will keep you STUCK exactly where you are and will ultimately attract exactly the same thing to your life.

Do these attributes sound appealing to you? I hope not, because they are not appealing. And will keep you in the same place you are now.

So, if you want to know “what’s wrong with you”, the better question to ask is, “who am I and what do I want”?

When you can answer this question, things will show up in your life that you can’t imagine you could ever have!

The following five steps will help you to get started on this process:

Step One:

Everything that has brought me to today has been a blessing because….

When you are able to gain clarity around why you are where you are, you will begin to move forward.

Step Two:

Make a list of what role you have played in your life to this point.
Include:

• how did you contribute, both positive and negative, to your marriage
• how have you honored, or not honored, who you are in your life
• what did you “sacrifice” for others in your life

Understanding the choices you have made and taking responsibility for them will help you to begin the healing process.

Step Three:

There is no good or bad. No right or wrong.

In divorce, there is no such thing as a “winner” or “loser”. There are only actions and reactions. And each person is accountable for their “role” in what took place.

Regardless of what took place in your marriage and/or the demise of it, “it takes two to tango!”

The most liberating thing you can do is to be honest with yourself about what you brought to the table…good and bad. Knowing is the first step to breaking old patterns.

From this moment on, every action you take, word you speak or behavior you exhibit is YOUR CHOICE. And, from this moment on, you are responsible for them.

Step Four:

Write a commitment statement to yourself that you will begin TODAY to move forward with compassion, honesty, and a dedication to creating the life that fulfills you!

Put your statement on an index card in your favorite color! Decorate it if you would like and then put it up on your bathroom mirror, your front door or your refrigerator…anywhere that you will see it EVERYDAY!

What happens from this moment on is up to you. All the answers are within you and only need to be accessed!

Step Five:

Find a quiet spot that is comfortable and sit with a pen and paper.
Close your eyes and remember back to a time when you felt like your BEST YOU!

A time when you felt:

• happy
• excited
• free
• on fire
• unstoppable
• euphoric
• successful
• passionate

What were you doing?
How did you act?
What were your emotions?

Write down everything that you felt, experienced, said, did… Do you want to feel that way again?

If so, it’s time to re-ignite the fire within you! And you are ready!

There is NOTHING wrong with you! You are beautiful, bold and brilliant! When you find the loving, passionate, “juiced”, excited, unstoppable woman within you…all the rest will follow!

So, have you ever been so angry that you simply cried! I don’t mean a little cry, but a big, huge loud sobbing cry…with weeping involved??!!

Well, I have. And when it has happened, it has always TRULY been sadness wrapped in mad.

After I got divorced, I was irritable. So many things were rolling around in my head to feel mad about. The inequity, the instability, the loneliness, the shear overwhelm of it all!

But once I began my journey of self discovery, which involved exploring how I got to that point, I gained understanding of this principle. The power of this principle is amazing and will give you the ability to manage your emotions.

I realized that underneath all the anger I was really incredibly sad. So sad that I simply didn’t feel like facing it! However, once I did, my journey truly began.

Here are a few points that will help you to understand this principle:

Loss – big huge loss.

There are many pieces of the divorce that are each a loss on its own.

• your marriage
• your friends
• your “in law” family
• your children 100% of the time
• your financial stability…

The list goes on and on. With so much loss, whether you want or wanted the divorce or not, you are going to be sad. And I mean SAD.

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda – what you thought would be.

As we just talked about, the biggest loss is that of what “should have”, “could have” and “would have” been.

The marriage that was supposed to last forever.
The financial security you believed you had.
The choice of whether to work or not.
The family vacations with friends that you have always planned.

These are only a few of the things that you will feel SAD about. I am sure that you could easily add a few additional ones as well.

What do I do now? – overwhelm.

Almost immediately upon deciding to get a divorce, you will have a growing sense of overwhelm Every where you look, there will be things that have to be done, scheduled, researched, filled out, communicated, completed….

Your head will begin to spin and you won’t know what to do next. And when you get to that place of complete overwhelm, you will simply break down and cry.

Why? Because it’s SAD.

Inequity – life’s not fair.

One of the hardest thing for anyone going through a divorce to fully understand, is that “it’s not going to be fair”. And at least, you won’t feel that it is.

Whether you are working or not, have kids or not, or have money or not….you will believe in some way that that the divorce was unfair and “inequitable”. And you are probably right.

But that is the way it is.

It is frustrating and overwhelming….but there is nothing you can do about it. What happens from this point forward is up to you. It is your responsibility. And that includes creating a life of financial independence. It is up to you now and you should not rely on anyone else but yourself to determine what happens next.

And yes, it is incredibly SAD.

So, now…perhaps you have a better understanding of WHY you are so sad and HOW it can be hidden by that bold and loud MAD.

I hope that next time you begin to feel yourself overwhelmed with that hot and tight feeling in your chest, you will find a quiet place to sit and think through what you are REALLY feeling and allow yourself to feel the sadness. That’s when the healing begins!