I have to share with you how I spent my day this past Saturday as I know that you all will relate and I learned so very much in the process!

Sometimes it is easy for us to wonder if those “experts” or authors of the newsletters that we read really do share a common experience with us and understand what we are going through.

So, today I can absolutely tell you that I DO!

As I sat to write out what I really wanted to create this holiday season, one of the hardest areas to design was sharing the holidays with my children.

I have two boys, ages 12 and 15. As you can imagine, spending time with their mother is not at the top of their list…they are most committed to their friends and their social lives.

When I honestly thought about how I wanted to celebrate the holidays with them, I knew that I wanted to spend a whole day with them…doing something together that would be without the computer, facebook and the endless stream of texting. Something that would create opportunities for laughter and “bonding”, and would not focus on spending money, but rather, sharing an experience.

So, I decided that this year, I would give them each some money as their gift, and we would take the train into New York City and spend the day walking around and enjoying the festivities of the Big Apple. They would be able to spend their money any way they wanted!

Well, it seemed like such a wonderful intention?

The first challenge came when my oldest son committed to a plan with his father without telling me on my custodial day. While normally he is welcome to make a plan with his father, even on my custodial day, he has to ask me first and make sure I have no plan in place already.

So, I was forced to make a decision, honor the plan he had made without my consent or intervene and honor what I had planned. I made my choice. I told his father that he could not honor his plan because he had not checked with me first and then I told my son that he needed to honor the special day that I had put together. Needless to say, both his father and my son were not so happy with me and some unpleasantness followed. My son told me that he was so upset at having to cancel this plan (going to see a concert) that he would not, in fact, come with us to New York.

I calmly told him what my intention, goal and desire was for the day, sharing a special experience with him, and that I truly hoped he would make the decision to join us because these shared experiences are really important as a family and would not be the same without him. But I was deeply disappointed and upset.

The next challenge was the athletic commitments. I don’t know about you, but there does not seem to be a day or night, weekday or weekend, that one of my kids does not have a game, practice or both. And, I get these schedules about 48 hours in advance…no more.

As my oldest son is playing his first year of high school athletics, he feels a tremendous amount of pressure to be at all practices and of course, the kids, and the parents, have been told that there will be “severe” consequences if they miss them.
I discovered that he had a Saturday practice from 10-12 am. Uuuuuugh!

This time, I called my son and sadly told him that I understood his commitment to his team and their schedule, but that I was extremely sad because all I have wanted was to share a special day with him and his brother.

Practically on the verge of tears while talking with him, he interrupted me to say, “I told Coach that I was not going to be at practice Saturday because I would be in NY with my family”.

I couldn’t believe it.
I broke down in tears and thanked him from the bottom of my heart for honoring my wishes. I might get my vision after all!

As it happens, my youngest son also had to get out of a game commitment but by Friday evening, we were all free and clear for the next day’s adventure!

We took the train into the city on Saturday and spent the day walking around New York. We looked at beautiful windows, we saw the gorgeous tree at Rockefeller Center and we stopped into every store that they wanted. We laughed and ate NYC pretzels and walked arm and arm through the city.

I could not have imagined a finer and more joyful day.

The money I gave them for the day was the only gift for this year…I, no different from anyone, have felt the effects of the economy and am cutting back on unnecessary expenses. They loved having their own money and buying the things that they fell in love with.

I told them that the rest of their holiday will be filled with many, many gifts of my love for them and all of the different ways I can express it!

There were many times along the way that I could have given up my holiday vision for a special day because it would have been easier. I have simplified the conflict for the purposes of this article, but there were some highly unpleasant moments I can assure you. I, however, never lost sight of what matters most to me.

Each time the tension grew, I remained focused on sharing my desire to spend special time with them and my commitment to making that happen. By the time Saturday ended, both of my boys asked if we could do this every year and shared that they had absolutely loved the day!

If you ever wonder whether it is “worth it” to go through the conflict and tension to honor what you truly want, I can assure you, it is!