There are many ways to remain focused on what you want to create for yourself.

Having been there myself, I know firsthand how difficult it is to keep your attention on what you want when on the journey of divorce.

Emotional struggles, financial overwhelm, fear, conflicts with friends, family and your EX…all make it difficult to keep your attention on moving forward. However, should you NOT keep your focus and attention on where you WANT to be, you will continue to move towards exactly where you are. And this lack of movement will cause you to become more frustrated with yourself, discouraged and paralyzed.

So, here are six tools for creating a daily practice that will support you in keeping your attention and focus on what you WANT to create…rather than that which you don’t want!

• 1. Meditation – welcoming meditation into your daily routine is invaluable for settling your mind, body and spirit and allowing you to quiet your overwhelm and direct your attention to that which you choose.

  I am not an expert in meditation, however when I began my daily practice, I found that there was no better way to quiet my inner “clutter” and focus my thoughts on those things that I wanted to focus on, rather than react to the daily challenges that I was facing.

  Even if it is for five minutes each morning and/or evening, find a quiet place, light a candle and simply focus on your breathing. I read a wonderful article recently which explained, “Whatever you do with awareness is meditation. "Watching your breath" is meditation; listening to the birds is meditation. As long as these activities are free from any other distraction to the mind, it is effective meditation.”

• 2. Visualization – visualization is creating a clear image or picture in your mind.

  I have been experimenting with visualization for a while now and have found it to be wonderful tool for supporting me along my journey of divorce.

  Find a quiet place where you can, again, light a candle and feel safe and comfortable. Then, begin to envision yourself exactly where you want to be. Perhaps it’s a lovely vacation to an island where the beaches are beautiful and the water clear and blue. Allow yourself to create an image in your mind of how you would feel there…with the warm sun pouring down on you and the tingly sand between your toes…

  You can do this exercise anytime and with any image. You can visualize the financial abundance you will attract, the relationship you will be in, the sports and/or hobbies you will enjoy….remember, you will be drawn to that which you focus your attention on!

• 3. Affirmations – the best definition I have found about affirmation is as follows:

  “Affirmations are positive statements that describe a desired situation, and which are repeated many times, in order to impress the subconscious mind and trigger it into positive action. In order to ensure the effectiveness of the affirmations, they have to be repeated with attention, conviction, interest and desire.”

  When you create a positive affirmation to use in your life, there are four ways to use them optimally:

  • use the present tense
  • be positive ie) I am brilliant!
  • either speak them or write them down
  • repetition

  Affirmations will work most effectively if either spoken or written at least 15 times in the morning and at night. And…if you want to maximize your use of the affirmations, stand in front of the mirror, look confidently in your own eyes and repeat the affirmation with energy and gusto!!

• 4. Gratitude – there is nothing that I have found more helpful to me in my own journey than practicing gratitude on a daily basis!

  Everything in this world vibrates at a specific frequency. When you are grateful you change your energy to a higher vibration and you attract more into your life. You attract more wealth, more happiness, more love, more success and more joy.

  Each morning or evening, write down at least three things for which you are grateful for…it doesn’t matter how large or small, it is the practice that your mind is getting by focusing on that which you HAVE, rather than what you have not!

• 5. Evidence of Abundance – this is a new practice that I have welcomed into my life every day!

  Each day I look for ways in which abundance has come into my life.

  I will use a most recent example. This weekend I was opening my mail and dreading the bills that I was going to have to pay! Much to my surprise, in the pile of mail were two checks, small checks, that I was not at all expecting!

  I took out my binder and my “Evidence of Abundance” worksheet and immediately wrote down how these two unanticipated and wonderful checks had simply appeared and that I was so grateful to have received them!

  I do this everyday and have found that now, each day, I look for wonderful things to come my way!

• 6. Support – aaaaaahhhh! This is my favorite!

  Each day I make sure that I connect with or talk to someone in my life that supports me on my journey to create my extraordinary life!

  These little connections and conversations are critical to growing a community of support for myself and ensuring that any feeling of isolation that may try to divert my attention is kept far, far away!

  Even if it is a brief conversation or a little email…I touch base with at least one person…family, friend or colleague that supports me!

I hope that these tips will help you to begin to create your own daily practice of keeping your “eyes on the prize”…YOUR extraordinary life!

So, would you like to create a Buddy Coaching day? It’s easy, fun and fantastic way to set YOUR intentions for the year.

Here are five steps to help you create your own 2010 Buddy Coaching relationship and kickoff day:

1. Identify your new buddy coach!

As you look for someone to create this new relationship with, you want to find a person with the following qualities:

• Open to new ideas and continued learning and personal development – you want to choose a person for whom “the journey” is important. Your buddy will need to be someone who welcomes self discovery and lifelong learning.

• Committed to creating their best life in 2010 – this individual should be READY to move forward and design their new life. They should have a desire to continuous improvement in all areas of their lives.

• Honest – both with themselves and with you. Your buddy will need to be able to support you by being honest with you. They will also need to welcome your honesty as part of the mutual support you give to one another. Most importantly, they should agree to support you without judgement.

• Disciplined – you will need to find someone who is willing to commit to buddy coaching and to making your time together a priority. You will want to choose someone who is willing to hold themselves and you, accountable for the actions you each commit to.

• Fun – this person will need to be fun and joyful! This process will work best when you both are able to infuse your time together with laughter and fun!

2. Schedule your 1st Planning Day

After you have chosen your Buddy, you will need to find time for your initial Planning Day. Preferably you will do this special day in one of your homes…you will want a space that is warm, comfortable, inviting, and spacious.

It will need to be a full day so that you can enjoy all of the aspects of it. Each of you will need to make a commitment to the date and make sure that you honor the commitment to each other.

3. Do your homework

In preparation for your Buddy Planning Day, you will each need to do your own homework. You will need to identify a list of ALL of the goals and results that you would like to achieve in all areas of your life:

Your kids and parenting
Your intimate life
Your professional life
Your finances
Your social life
Your health and wellness…

For each of these you will need to identify what you want to create in 2010. Don’t worry about “how” you will achieve each goal, just create a complete list of all that you want to accomplish in 2010.

4. Prepare your materials

As your Planning Day draws closer, you will need to make sure that you have gathered all of the materials to ensure a successful day:

• Binders
• Colored paper
• Markers
• Dividers
• Magazines
• Candles
• Yummy food for snacks and meals
• Herbal tea
• Inspirational music
• Comfy pajamas and slippers

As this binder will become your 2010 Blueprint for success, you will want to put in it anything that will support you:

Quotes
Poems
Pictures…

These are all wonderful additions to your Planning Binder!

5. Set a Schedule

Now that you have your buddy, a planning day, your materials and your vision, you are well on your way to creating YOUR extraordinary 2010!

Before you conclude your initial planning day, set a MONTHLY schedule with your buddy so that you can meet, review your goals and the steps you have taken to achieve them, and provide each other with encouragement, motivation, inspiration and celebration!

The most important part of each of your monthly get-togethers is to celebrate all that you have accomplished over the month! Do a victory dance, shout it out to the universe and praise each other lavishly for all of the hard work that you are doing each and every day!

I hope you enjoy your Buddy Coaching experience as much as I am enjoying mine!

I would love to hear about your experience so don’t be shy and drop me a line at laura@discoverthedspot.com.

Like all of you, my divorce was just the beginning.

The beginning of a new and different life! With all of the challenges, celebrations, freedoms and uncertainty that I know you are facing.

One part of the divorce transition was moving from being married to single. Having been married quite young, I had not been single very long before marrying my husband so at almost 40, I began my journey as a single mother and woman, taking on all that dating, flirting and the hope of a new relationship brings with it.

I have been divorced 6 years and it has been an extraordinary journey…ups, downs and all arounds…but I can safely say that I am happier than I have ever been!

I want to share with you that I have welcomed a new relationship into my life…a relationship that I never imagined I could have.

I have been hesitant to share this with you because I know exactly where you are…wherever that is, and being in a relationship does not change that.

As a matter of fact, in many ways the challenges increase…however, the joys increase far more.

I say in almost every weekly newsletter that “it is possible”, and it is.
That you can have what you want, because you can.
That the relationship of your dreams is waiting for you, and it is.
That all you need is within you, because I know it to be true!
I dated for over four years before meeting my new partner, and although we are enjoying all that comes with a fantastic relationship, there is so much that I have been learning and experiencing along this journey.

First of all, I know that I created this relationship by “walking my own talk” and designing the relationship of my dreams. That is why I am so confident in all that I share with you and my clients because I know that it, indeed, is true.

It begins with YOU.

I worked hard on myself and my inner journey to be exactly what I wanted to attract in a relationship. And I stayed focused.

I live my life according to the strategies, resources and tools that I teach, coach and speak about and that is WHY my purpose is to support you along YOUR journey.

Those four years of dating, finding my MOJO, flirting and getting clear about what I really wanted in a relationship were critical!! Without them, I would not have been able to welcome a new relationship into my life.

As well, dating as a single parent is not the same as when you are 20 years old with not a care in the world!

We are two adults, with two professions, four children between us, families, and a million obligations in our own personal lives.

If you think that this is easy to navigate….you are WRONG! 

What I have learned over this past year and a half is extraordinary!

I have learned so much about myself as a mother…
A sensual woman…
A businesswoman…
A financially independent person…
A co-parent…
A friend…

Within my marriage, I was not the WHOLE person that I wanted to be and during those years immediately after my divorce, I made a commitment to myself that I would honor exactly who I wanted to be in ALL these areas of my life before welcoming a new relationship in. And it took a while to do just that.

So, I share this news with you for a couple of reasons:

1. My relationship with you, the women that I serve, will always be open, honest and real.
   
2. It IS possible!
   
3. There are no accidents, YOU can create all that you want in your life if you make the commitment to honor what you truly want.

Creating a new relationship in your life after divorce is a joyful and important part of the journey…it will include dating, exploring your sensuality and sexuality, discovering the art of flirting, and a lot of self discovery!

If you are “stuck” in this area of your journey…get support! It is absolutely worth it!