So, here is the real deal…I was not always this way…

Happy

Upbeat

Positive

Annoyingly peppy

BLISSFUL!

Actually, for most of my life I was a “pleaser”. I was wrapped up in what I “should” do. And I spent most of my time concerned about what others would think…my parents, my friends, and the world I lived in.

• I “should” go to a city college, because after all, I was a sophisticated young lady.
• I “should” get a graduate degree because that will secure me a solid future professionally.
• I “should” marry a nice, Jewish, stable man who would not take me away from my family and that could provide for me.
• I “should” have babies right away because otherwise I will be too old and miss the opportunity.
• I “should” be a good wife and meet my husband’s needs because that’s what marriage is all about.
• I “should” stay in my marriage because what will my family think and of course, one is not supposed to get divorced.
• I “should” be practical because then I will feel secure in my life and make all the “right” decisions. Life clearly needs to be planned out.

BULLSHIT!

This was the most ridiculous thing I have ever actually done!

I never even took one minute to truly explore the college that would be a great fit for me…I was too busy making sure that I got accepted and signed on the dotted line.

I never took one minute to really consider what I wanted to do and if an MBA is truly what I needed in order to do it.

I never took one minute to explore and consider what really mattered to me in a man, partner or relationship. I just made sure that I had one so that I would not be the last “single man” standing in my circle of friends. (of course I was 24 and the first one married!)

I never took one minute to figure out what I wanted my life to look and feel like, what I wanted to do and what mattered most to me. What truly would make me happy. My god, who really considers all this nonsense when creating their life??!!

I never took one minute (actually not true, I was in marital therapy for four years so I did actually think about it) to give myself the courage to say, “this marriage isn’t working and I want to move on and live out a long and happy life”!

I never took one minute to honor what makes me jump for joy and what truly lights my fire!

Until my divorce.

It was at that very moment, the moment I made the commitment to myself that my marriage was no longer moving me to a place of sheer joy and bliss and that I couldn’t be the kind of woman, sexy diva, mother, daughter and friend that I wanted while still being in it, and that I would do ANYTHING to get to that place.

And, six years later, here I am.

Happy

Upbeat

Positive

Annoyingly peppy

BLISSFUL!

And so much more. And, it wasn’t easy. It didn’t come overnight and I needed (and still need) a lot of support…but I give a lot of support as well. We are not meant to do it alone. I made a lot of mistakes. I had to suck up a lot of embarrassment. I had to admit to a few unpleasant realities. I was afraid. I was overwhelmed. I waited too long. But, I am on my way now….

I am the woman I want to be (kinda…that keeps evolving as I move through my journey)!

I am the mother I want to be (again, kinda…my kids keep getting older and challenging me to grow as a mother, but I adore my relationship with them)!

I am the friend I want to be…when I want and in the way that I want. No one stops me from doing what I want….it’s unfuckingbelievably liberating!

I am the sexy diva I want to be and I have a man in my life who ADORES who I am and my crazy, quirky self! The sex ROCKS! And, he’s not perfect!!!! (but of course, neither am i!)

I am the daughter, sister, cousin, aunt…I want to be and my relationships with my family are simply divine!!!

I am doing exactly what I want and I know exactly what matters most to me (and by the way, that is supporting you…it is my life purpose).

I honor myself each and every day and frankly, too bad if you don’t like it! I want you, my friends, family, clients, and everyone in my life to join me on this amazing ride, but it’s up to you to come onboard.

It’s up to you to make your own commitment. I know it is scary. I know it is painful. I know it is confusing, overwhelming and full of mistakes. But, who cares. Every day is a new opportunity to move forward the way YOU want! Woohoo baby!

This is my truth, like it or not!

What is your truth?

Summertime….and the living is easy!

Yeah it is!

We all want it! Summer fun! Laughter, freedom…driving with the top down! Doesn’t the fantasy sound great?!

Well, it doesn’t have to be a fantasy. And, it doesn’t matter where you are in your journey. At any stage, before, during or after divorce, you can have easy living this summer…and every day from now on!

it is your emotional divorce and journey that is most important NOW , because it will shape your future…your destiny.

If you are contemplating divorce….

If you are in the uncomfortable stage of evaluating whether a divorce is what you really want, this can be the summer that you explore the options you have.

We have been taught that there is a quick fix to every problem. If I am not happy, I can get divorced and be happy. Or, if I continue to stay married, it will be easier and I will be happy. Guess what? Staying or going is not the answer. The answer is far more complex and the grass is definitely not greener…take it from someone who knows! The source of your happiness is you. And when you decide that you want to know what will truly make you happy…you will take action to find out.

If you are in the middle of your divorce…

If you have made the decision to divorce or the decision has been made for you, you are probably in the the middle of a complex negotiation and transition.

You are not alone, every divorce is complex…legally, financially and emotionally. What is different is the emotional state that you create as your foundation. If you have made the decision that you would like to CHOOSE to create a life that you desire, then creating a strong and healthy foundation is the key to doing just that. This summer can be your opportunity to separate your Emotional Divorce from your Legal Divorce. The more you address your emotional divorce, the better your legal divorce will be…proven fact. Individuals who get support for themselves early on in the divorce process will have a greater chance of getting what they want in their legal and financial divorce.

Summer, without the homework issues, shorter days and frigid temperatures, is a wonderful time to begin to focus on you…your greatest asset.

If you are moving forward after divorce…

If your divorce is over but you don’t feel like your life is the way you would like it, you are at a fantastic point in your life!

It may not feel like it, but let me share with you why you are exactly where you need to be! First, it does not matter if your divorce was just finalized, if you are one year out or it’s been ten years since your marriage ended, your journey begins TODAY. Today is the day that you can step powerfully into your new life. All it takes is a decision to take that step.

Ultimately, it is not your separation or divorce that will shape your life, it is you.

The choices you make.

The actions you take.

And yes, it is that simple.

But not if you don’t have the skills, tools and practice to make it happen. Most of us never had the “education” that we need to live our lives the way we want. We learned algebra, spelling and biology, but we weren’t taught:

• how to communicate without insulting
• how to make decisions in complex and uncomfortable situations
• how to create boundaries without being angry
• how to honor ourselves without being selfish
• how to be sad without being mad
• how to meet all of our needs in healthy ways
• how to indulge in our passions without guilt

To live the life you imagine, you will have to learn all of these skills, and more. You will have to fill your “life toolbox” so that you can manage anything that comes your way!

It is there, ready for you to take. So, put your hand in mine and let me teach you, support you and applaud your brilliance!