Just a short time ago, I was actively seeking out women going through separation and divorce, or as I frequently say, going through a life transition.

I realize now though, that everyone is going through a “life transition”….especially given the recent economic challenges of 2009 and 2010.

In some ways, this is comforting because even if it is not the transition of a divorce, anyone going through a major transition is managing an unstable time. What makes divorce different is that it is a catalyst for change in EVERY area of your life.

· Romantic love relationship

· Parenting

· Financial

· Professional

· Social

· Personal

· Family

I am sure that you now know, that unless you have experienced it yourself…it is hard to explain just how much change and transition a separation and divorce can cause.

And because it is hard to explain it, it is also hard for family, friends and others in your world to be able to support you. They are not trained to do that. The journey forward is yours and where it takes you, is completely within your control.

However, I am here to tell you that as uncomfortable as the transition of divorce may be, there are many benefits that can come from it. It is a matter of mastering this unstable time and reframing how you are able to approach it.

So, how does one do that?

The first step, regardless of what stage you are at (living in an unfulfilled marriage, separation, divorcing or moving forward after divorce), is to REGROUP.

What does REGROUP mean for you?

You feel completely overwhelmed. There is so much that needs your attention; however, you simply don’t know how to prioritize everything. Communication with your “soon to be ex-husband” is becoming increasingly challenging, and with each day that passes, your feelings of sadness, anger and confusion intensify.

In addition, the decisions that lay ahead seem daunting and insurmountable. As a result, your anxiety increases. You may have an attorney, mediator or financial expert, and a few friends who are supportive, you still need help to clear your head.

Understandably, some of the questions on your mind are:

• Am I ever going to get through this?
• What should I tell my friends, children, parents, colleagues?
• What will happen to me?
• How am I going to survive?

During this time of uncertainty, it is critical to acknowledge the sadness, confusion and fear you are experiencing. In fact, understanding your thoughts, emotions and realities will be key to preparing you for your journey.

Through support (support group, personal development program or Divorce Coach), you will need to focus on creating a plan to help you move through each day, week and month with an emphasis on healing your wounds, building your esteem, discovering your courage and finding your happiness.

This will be the time to focus on YOU. Not your Ex, but you. A time to understand what brought you to today, what you really want and the options available to you.

As you begin to find clarity and understand what brought you to today, you will move towards the next phase in your journey. RENEW.

Understand that coming to terms with your new realities is critical to planning for your future.

If you are still separated and working through the divorce process, regrouping will be the best way to prepare yourself for the difficult decisions that you will be called upon to make. After all, while you are trying to manage the current areas of your life, you are still proceeding with the divorce and coping with the resulting emotions.

If your divorce has been finalized, your journey is still not over! The good news is that your life will be an ongoing journey of self discovery and creating your ideal life!

Now you are ready to reconnect with who you are. You will discover your true self, find new social and support circles, re-acquaint yourself with your interests and passions, as well as assess where you are and what you need. Some of the questions you may be asking yourself are:

• Why did this happen?
• Who am I?
• What do I really want?
• How can I manage all of this?

At this point, your goal is finding inner peace and contentment. To achieve this, you will prepare yourself for wherever your journey leads and welcome all the opportunities and possibilities that present themselves. You will also rekindle your inner light and discover the courage to make the decisions that will create your extraordinary life.

The process of RENEWAL is wondrous. It is not always smooth sailing, but it is a time for being open to the infinite possibilities that life offers.

These two phases are at the cornerstone of creating your new destiny.

I do what I do through The D Spot, because I could not do it alone….I did not do it alone. I participated in personal development programs, worked with many coaches, and took the time to reframe how I view my life and future.

I made mistakes, I made a few poor decisions, but I took responsibility for my destiny and made sure that I had support to keep me accountable for moving forward…one baby step at a time.

It is my pleasure and a blessing to serve you and to support you to begin your own journey!

So I just returned from a long weekend away in Virginia Beach where I visited my aunt and uncle who live a few blocks from the ocean and whose home sits on a beautiful back bay across from a wildlife refuge.

As I spent my days:

• Walking on the beach
• Swimming in the ocean (while watching the dolphins playing out in the water)
• Fishing
• Kayaking in the bay
• Watching sea otters, herons, ospreys, and other wildlife enjoying their natural habitat
• Crabbing
• And of course, visiting with my aunt, uncle, cousins and friends;

I was struck by how calm and peaceful I felt.

As the weekend went on, and as each day began with a yummy cappuccino made for me by my uncle (and delivered to me wherever I was comfortably laying), I could feel myself start to reflect on my daily existence back home and ask myself “am I living exactly the life that I want?”

I spent a great deal of time reflecting on my life back home and the wonderful new life that I have created since my divorce. And while I have a life that I love, I…too, am moving along my journey, seeking to create a life and future filled with joy and fulfillment.

I have learned through my own experience, education, and training, that the ONLY way to create a life you love is to nurture YOU. It doesn’t matter where you live, what you do or how much money you have….if you have not nurtured your mind, body and soul, it will be impossible to create your ideal life.

So, here are my “learnings” from the weekend:

1. Listening to Myself

For a while now I have been “shushing” the little voice inside of me that has been murmuring little indicators of what it wants. Sometimes, it wants me to lie down and take a nap. Other times, it wants me to sit and read, purely for pleasure. And yet other times, it wants me to take a walk on the beach or stargaze at night. Regardless of what my little voice says, I have been politely asking it to “be quiet”, so that I can continue to manage all of the areas of my life that need my attention; my children, my business, my book, by relationship, my friends….

Unfortunately, my little voice is the one who knows me best and ultimately, knows what I need. And it doesn’t like being quieted. After all, my little voice is the TRUE and AUTHENTIC me…the one who wants nothing more than to indulge in those things that I love most.

This weekend, while I was away, I listened to my little voice and did exactly what it told me. And boy, was it FABULOUS! And what I have realized is that I need to not only listen to my little voice, but honor what it is saying. I can’t always drop everything to do exactly what it says, but I will now be far more aware of noting what “it” needs and creating a time to do exactly that.

1. Pace of Life

I have also realized that in my quest to create my extraordinary life, I have also created a pace that is “highly energetic and productive” or said less lovingly, CRAZY!

My journey to financial independence and prosperity after my divorce, has led me to working full time, growing a business, writing my first book, taking care of a house and all that goes with it, raising my children and then making sure that I take care of myself; mind, body and soul. I now find myself waking at 5:45 am to work out, get to work, meet with clients, write the book, cook, clean, do errands, spend quality time with my children, family, friends and partner…and then, trying to fit in the many, many things I love to do, be and create. WHEW…I am exhausted just talking about it!

While away, it actually took me 24 hours to begin to relax and that first attempt at laying on the couch to read for fun, was nothing short of stressful. My mind kept saying things like “you should be doing your book edits”, “your newsletter needs to go out when you get back”, or my favorite “isn’t there something else you SHOULD be doing”?

After a brief, but clear and direct conversation with myself, I made a commitment to do nothing but what I wanted for the remainder of the weekend.

Now, upon my return to reality, I have made the decision and commitment to CHOOSE a slower pace in my own life. After all, my commitment and life purpose is supporting YOU to create your ideal life and in order to best do this…I need to focus everyday on living out mine!

So, as of this morning, I will be making sure that my own personal schedule includes slowing things down just a little bit and creating a pace that allows me to take care of me.

1. Self Care

I have talked about my “little voice” and actively choosing the pace at which I live my life, but all of this is for the ultimate purpose of taking care of myself.

Self Care is THE most important part of your life.

Let me say it again: Self Care is THE most important part of your life.

Whether you are still married and contemplating separation, in the middle of your divorce, or moving forward in creating your new life….the degree to which you take care of yourself will have the greatest impact on what your life looks like now, and in the future.

I am pretty good at taking care of myself. I eat a healthy diet, workout regularly, get manicures and pedicures every other week….I make sure to stay on top of my personal grooming.

However, over the weekend, I redefined Self Care for myself.

I realized that it is not always about the gym, the food or the personal hygiene. The part I have been neglecting was the indulgences in those things that light me on fire and fill me with a sense of peace and contentment.

· Taking a long, long walk on the beach.

· Fishing

· Playing games (like Corn Hole!)

· Reading, for pleasure!

· Napping

· Gardening

I laughed, sweated, hoot ‘n hollered and giggled the entire weekend…all from doing those things I love! It felt great…and cost NOTHING!

We often forget the value, not just in time and energy, but in lifting our personal spirit, when we care for ourselves by doing what we love most. I won’t forget this lesson again!

1. Surroundings

Aaaahhhh, surroundings. As I mentioned, my Aunt and Uncle are on a gorgeous piece of property that sits on a bay overlooking a wildlife refuge. Sitting out back is a small pond filled with Lily Pads, blooming Lotus and other flowering “swamp” life.

In the front of the house is a tree in which my Aunt’s orchid collection hangs during the summer, as in the winter, they come inside to their orchid room.

Inside their cozy chairs and couches are covered in soft and yummy blankets and all around the house are succulents and other “cool” plants. Pictures of our family are EVERYWHERE!

I could not take it in all at once. Every time I sat down I watched the birds collect food for their little ones back at the nest, the latest blooming lily, or another awesome picture of someone in the family. The more I simply looked around, the more relaxed I got and the easier it was to sit back and enjoy just BEING.

Now, let me say this, I love my home.

I love my furniture and all of the things that surround me. So, I had to think long and hard about what my little voice was telling me. And by the end of the drive home, I had figured it out. My little voice was reminding me to be aware of my surroundings.

About a year after I got divorced, I made the decision to move out of our marital home and into a home that was all mine. And I love it. I have been in my new home almost four years and since I have moved in, I have made very few changes, even though there are changes that I have been wanting to make. Again, I have been “shushing” my little voice and getting away this weekend allowed me to really hear what it has been saying.

Especially when we are going through a major transition, it is important to create an environment and surrounding that is in alignment with how we want to feel. And that is exactly what I am going to do.

I hope you will take these few tips and apply them to your own life, regardless of where you are in your journey.

The summer is a wonderful time for self reflection and change, so enjoy this opportunity to CHOOSE how you want your life to feel.