As I take an opportunity today to reflect on the events of September 11, 2001, and the years since…there is so much that I realize resonates with me as I have moved along my own journey of healing and transformation after my divorce.

The events of 9/11 were not and could not have been anticipated nor imagined until that fateful morning. By 10:00 a.m. that morning, thousands upon thousands of people across the country and the world knew that life would never be the same again.

As I look back at my own journey, I realize that I, too, knew that once I had made the decision to divorce my then husband, my life would also never be the same.

Much like the events of 9/11, those of us going through separation and divorce experience an event that will change our life forever…and in every conceivable way. As 9/11 was a “wake-up” call for the world, my divorce was a “wake-up”call for me.

It became a catalyst for change…propelling my life in an entirely new direction.

Of course I could nor would never compare the events of 9/11 to my divorce in the way of being a “tragedy”, as there is no comparison. However, that day, thousands of lives were changed in a second and minutes later, the healing, recovery and journey forward began. And there is so much to be learned from the past nine years.

Within an instant of the attack, the recovery began…with thousands of responders beginning the process of picking up the pieces. As I sit here, I realize that I, too, wasted no time in seeking out my own “first responders” and trudging through the grueling work of “recovery” immediately after my own divorce.

As I look back, I also realize that I have learned so much from the years since 9/11. And that the lessons I have learned, not only hold true for me as I move along my own journey, but will hold true for you as well…whether you can see it or not.

I have learned that during times of “tragedy” or in the case of divorce, massive transition, there are those who will not hesitate to step in and “respond”. They may be friends, colleagues, or family…but they are there, immediately. And at the same time, there are also those that can’t face it. That must retreat inside and withdraw. We all react differently to uncomfortable and painful situations. It is not good, it is not bad…it just is.

I have also learned that the human capacity for strength, courage and bravery is enormous. That we, humans, have an infinite ability to move forward, regardless of how difficult a situation we are faced with. We keep going…step by step, towards a safe place.

9/11, like divorce, are events that become a catalyst for change. New York City will never be the same, the skyline forever reminding us that a piece of our history is no longer there. However, it is still The Big Apple, and will continue to be the greatest city on earth.

It is a different city than it was before, and the attacks of that day have become part of the fabric of the lives of all New Yorkers. It has made New York stronger, more vibrant, more electric and more united than ever before. It has experienced a loss so deep, but has come out the other side and has rebuilt and reinvented, despite many challenges along the way.

I have, through my divorce, shared in a similar experience.

I am stronger than I have ever been.

I have experienced a loss that has become part of who I am and where I have been.

I have suffered, but I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am more beautiful, brilliant and passionate than ever before.

Today, as I am reminded of the depth of the journey since 9/11, I am overtaken by the similarities to my own personal journey.

Lastly, I recognize today that time stands still for nothing or no one.

15 hours after the attack on the first tower, September 11 was over. Time continued to move forward, taking us all along with it.

Second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day…we made it through. We have:

· mourned our losses

· licked our wounds

· sought support, guidance and help

· leaned on each other

· walked powerfully in our strength and courage

· nurtured our souls

· rebuilt our surroundings

· reconnected to ourselves

· meditated and healed

· honored our history

We have brought beautiful babies into the world, found love again, reinvented our lives, and changed direction.

And you will too.

While 9/11 was not a blessing, the events of that day have shown us just how strong, brilliant, bold and courageous we truly are.

Your divorce will do the same for you…as it has for me.

How many times do you find yourself saying, “I can’t” or “It won’t work, because…..”.

Have you counted lately?

Each time I begin coaching with a new client, we start at the very beginning. I ask them to share with me where they are, where they want to be and how they are going to get there. I also ask them what they believe is holding them back from reaching their goals.

Inevitably, each begins with the “story” of her marriage, separation or divorce and how it has prevented her from being, doing or creating what she really wants in her life. As she is sharing this “story” with me, it is clear that there are many excuses that have been used, which have now become limiting beliefs for her.

Then the funs begins! I now have the opportunity to help her let go of these limiting beliefs and excuses, and watch her begin to move forward along her journey!

One of the reasons that I love what I do is that I have been there.

I spent most of my marriage making excuses. Excuses for why I couldn’t be what I wanted. Why I couldn’t do what I wanted. And why I couldn’t get divorced and find the happiness I deserved. They were all kinds of excuses.

Excuses like:

• it is selfish to go out and do what I want
• good mothers take care of their children first, then themselves
• my family won’t approve
• I don’t have time

And then, when I became separated, I used to say, “I can’t do that because my divorce is not over.” Or, “When the divorce is over, then I will…..”.

It wasn’t until I had my very own coach, that I discovered how much these words, thoughts and limiting beliefs were holding me back. She asked me, “so, why do you believe that you have to wait until the divorce is over to move forward?”

WOW!

I had no answer. There was absolutely no real reason why I couldn’t begin doing what I had to do and taking steps towards creating my new life. No, the divorce was not finalized, but it would be. And there was not a lot I could do to make it move along any faster. The extra time would enable me to gain clarity and begin to formulate a plan for what I wanted my life to look like.

And so, with my new Life Coach, and her unbelievable support and guidance, I simply stopped saying “I can’t” or “It won’t work” or “When the divorce is over…”, and instead took one little step after the other towards designing a new life.

It was also at this moment that I knew what my life purpose was and how I wanted to spend my time professionally. I wanted to work exclusively with women through the transition of divorce and support them to take those steps.

So here I am. And with each of you that choose to coach with me, I will hear your story and your excuses. But I will not accept them!

I will support you to release those limiting beliefs and create a new “story”. A story that says, “I CAN” and “I Will”. A story of no more excuses and instead, a step by step plan for beginning your journey of self discovery and deliberate creation.

And then…I will get to watch you transform into a breathtaking butterfly, ready to soar.

I wish you the most wonderful Labor Day Weekend and a fabulous entry into fall! I look forward to the opportunity to support you as you begin to take those first steps forward!