I have been having so much fun working with my private clients lately…it is simply amazing watching them step powerfully into their courage and confidence, especially when it scares them to death!

Interestingly enough, the same question seems to be coming up over and over again. Not only with my clients, but with you, through many of your emails; my friends and even myself.

What is that question you ask? Well here it is:

When will it get easier?

It is such a great question because for each of us the “it” is different.

Is “it” your life?

Is “it” your emotional attachment to your ex-husband?

Is “it” balancing all that demands your attention?

Is “it” seeking out new love?

Is “it” finding happiness?

Or, perhaps, at any given time the “it” is defined differently??

For those of you who work with me privately or have had the opportunity to participate in a workshop or event of mine, you have heard my answer to this question. So, here it is:

There is no finish line.

Huh? What does that mean?

Well, it means that there will always be an “it”. And we are never “there”.

My dear friend and fellow relationship coach, Janice, and I were talking recently about our own relationship challenges, when she said, “We are relationship experts…shouldn’t we have perfect relationships. Why are we not there yet?”

So, here are my responses:

1. There is NO such thing as “perfect”…in anything. We strive for ideal in all areas of our lives and being “experts” in our field only means that we need to hold ourselves accountable to “walk our own talk”. That we need to support each other to move forward in our own life honoring who we are and what we want with clarity, confidence and control.

1. There is NO “there”. There is no finish line. There is not a moment in time or in our future when we have arrived at a perfect nirvana. Life is a fluid journey…it is movement forward one day at a time, taking steps everyday towards creating your ideal life.

There will always be challenges, and managing these challenges will provide us with our greatest personal growth. They are opportunities for learning and reaching a deeper level of joy and fulfillment.

For many of us, it is easy to fall into the false belief that we will “arrive” if we accomplish the following:

· find Mr. Right and/or get married

· land the perfect job

· win the lottery

· lose weight

· shop, shop, shop

All of these MAY provide us with joy and/or fulfillment at any given time, but NONE of them will be the “answer”.

A relationship will not become “perfect” simply because you are wearing an engagement ring or walking down an aisle…haven’t we all learned that already?

The “perfect” job is just that…a means for you to develop professionally and perhaps achieve financial stability and independence.

Losing weight and dressing in abundant and fancy clothes is fabulous as an expression of who you are, but does not define happiness.

Instead, “IT” is a journey. A daily movement forward…PROGRESS, moving us closer to the creation of our ideal life.

An by the way, our definition of “ideal” may change day to day, week to week, month to month and year to year….that is what makes it exciting!

There is no “there”. Rather, there is HERE…and NOW. Enjoy it, make the most of it,. and cherish it….everyday

So here’s the real deal. Many of us who have gone through a divorce have also gone through long periods of time without sex. Yes…I said it. While I know that there are some relationships for which the sex continues throughout and even after divorce, more often than not, sex leading up to divorce is a dwindling commodity. And, by the time we actually get divorced, it could be years that we have been sexless.

Can you relate?

It is for this reason that part of the journey during and after divorce is rediscovering the joy of sex…and the sensuality, flirtation and eroticism around it.

For many of us, this part of the journey is often scary and uncomfortable.

It could be that your last date was over 20 years ago. Or, you may have never had sex with anyone other than your husband? Of course it is scary. Not to mention that sensuality and sexuality in your 20’s is far different than in your 40’s and 50”s.

For this reason, I want to share with you a few tips for opening yourself to rediscovering yourself as a feminine woman with a healthy sexual drive!

Your role as wife, and/or mother, may have included ownership of your sexuality and sensuality, but it is conceivable that it did not as well.

For me, where I had once started out as a young, sexy gal…along the way, and two children later, I had lost touch with this very vibrant part of myself.

Becoming single again at almost 40 required me to step into my own journey….a journey to rediscover my new, and more mature, sexual identity.

Sex is not only fabulous…but it is a critical piece of our ability to step into our power as a woman, and one day, a new and exceptional intimate, love relationship.

As such, your exploration and journey is YOURS.

You are no longer a teenager, sneaking around your parents to see the “cute boy” and hoping that no one will find out that you are having sex!!!

You are a grownup…and therefore, you have PERMISSION to flirt, date and have sex with anyone that you want.

However, there are a few things that will make this journey more enjoyable for you:

1. Clarify how you feel and what you want, at your core.

Perhaps you are feeling undesirable and both want and need to feel sexy again. Or, perhaps you are already feeling sexy, and want to simply indulge yourself in new and freeing sexual encounters.

Knowing how you feel and what you want, will begin to help you chart the course for this part of your journey. There are many ways to rediscover your sexuality and connect with the woman within. But, knowing WHY you are choosing to do what you are doing is critical to have a safe and healthy sexual journey.

1. Accept that SEX, sensuality and sexuality are healthy, normal and FUN!

While often scary, sex and sensuality are highly enjoyable parts of being a woman. There are many resources available to you today that will support you as you reconnect to this wonderful part of yourself.

There is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, rather get CURIOUS about what your sexuality means to YOU. And make this part of your journey a priority rather than an afterthought.

1. Everyone’s sexual journey is different.

Each of us express ourselves, our femininity and our sexuality differently. And that is just fine. In fact, it what makes each of us attractive in our own way.

Finding your sexual mojo is an important part of discovering your own power and confidence as a woman. So, embracing the discomfort that may come with it is also important.

If you feel stuck around how you feel and what you want…or what sensuality and sexuality mean to you, get support.

You are beautiful and desirable exactly as you are. When you embrace this journey, you will discover the power of YOU and your femininity!